Worth the Wait Read online

  Licking my lips, I press my palms to Zak’s chest. “He has a right to be here, just as much as you do right now.”

  Zak’s eyes flare. “What?”

  Steeling my spine, I press forward, “Until that test gets back confirming Kadyn’s paternity, you either both need to leave.” I pause watching Zak’s expression solidify. “Or put your differences aside for the next twenty-four hours. Stop measuring your dicks and keep your shit together. Because that baby girl has already been through enough in her short life. She doesn’t need to be in a room full of tension and hostility.”

  Zak’s eyes drop to the floor as he lowers his head. Turning away from me he runs both his hands through his thick hair. What feels like hours later he finally turns his head and says, “You’re right.” Then he lifts his gaze pass me to Paco, swallowing hard he murmurs, “Sorry, you should stay.”

  Relaxing for the first time since I entered the room, I face Paco. “We good now?” I ask him, he nods once and I smile, “Good.” Taking a step back, my eyes cast back and forth between them. “Keep your dicks in your pants or I’ll kick you both out. I don’t care who her biological father is, I won’t hesitate. I’ll call the boys in. Abe is on Kadyn’s side not yours,” I stare at Zak as I say it, “He’ll do what’s best for her.”

  “She’s right,” Abe’s deep voice finally joins the conversation.

  “Okay,” Paco says. “As long as he’s in the room, so am I.”

  “Shake on it,” I demand. I know they don’t want to touch each other, I know I’m pushing my luck. But in my mind, making them shake is the equivalent to the friendship shirt my mother used to make us wear when I was growing up. Whenever I’d get into a fight with one of my siblings, Mumma would make us both put the shirt on. It forced us to share the space even though we wanted to choke each other.

  Zak is the first to offer his hand. I glare at Paco, “It’s this, or I make you squeeze inside Zak’s t-shirt with him.”

  Both Zak and Paco balk. A chorus of, ‘What the fuck?’ and, ‘bitch, you’re crazy!’ come from them, while Abe laughs his ass off.

  I raise a brow, “So shake!” They comply without hesitation. I smile, I can totally do this mothering thing, I just put two thirty-something men in their place. I’m feeling pretty damn pleased with myself.

  Half hour later, Kallie bursts through the door, loaded down with so many bags Abe rushes to help her. “What is all this shit?” he asks, while taking the bulk of it from her.

  “The essentials,” she says, breathing hard. “I should have called you to come help me when I parked, I didn’t realise how much there was until I was trying to carry it all up here.”

  Zak chuckles softly, “You really think all that is just essentials?”

  Kallie glares at him. “Google said so.”

  “What the fuck is wrong with you people?” Paco says from the other side of the room, and all heads swing to him. “What? Look how big she is, she doesn’t need all that shit.”

  Kallie bristles, “You must be the boyfriend,” she says in her chilly socialite voice. The one that had her branded The Ice Queen of the Elite.

  Paco scowls, “Yeah, that’s me, who are you, bitch?”

  Abe protectively steps in front of Kallie. “I wouldn’t call her that if you want to keep your knee caps,” he retorts.

  Rolling my eyes over all the testosterone in the room, I snap, “Cut it out, be nice, or leave.” I look directly at Paco when I speak. He says nothing, just turns his attention to the window and carries on ignoring us.

  Checking the clock on the wall, I note that it’s almost time for Kadyn’s next feed. The nurse showed me how to make her bottle so I excuse myself, “I’m going to make her a fresh bottle, she’ll be wanting another one soon.” I catch site of Zak smiling warmly at me as I leave the room.

  ZAK

  The second Red leaves the room, Kadyn starts squirming in my arms. How’s that for timing? She wakes every three hours on the dot. She’s fussing more than the last couple of times now though. “Shh, Red will be back with a bottle soon,” I murmur.

  She continues to fuss, so I move her to rest against my shoulder, feeling a big wet patch on her back when I go to pat her. Holding her out in front of me, I cringe. “I hope that’s pee.”

  Appearing at my side, Paco says, “I was about to suggest changing her.” We both stare at her, then the smell hits us. “Damn,” Paco wrinkles his nose.

  I try passing Kadyn to him, “Here you go, your turn.”

  “Fuck no. She did that while you were holding her, that’s all on you,” he says, stepping back.

  “No swearing near her,” I snap. “Her brain is like a sponge. She’ll remember that shit.”

  Paco glares at me, “You just said shit.”

  A frown creases my brows. “I’m workin’ on it.” Kadyn bellows and I hug her close to me again. “Okay, princess, let’s get you something clean to put on,” I tell her, walking over to the bed. Laying her down, I unwrap her blanket, and then another blanket. Damn, she soaked through two blankets?

  “Here, she can wear this,” Kalista says, handing me a pink floral onesie.

  I take it from her and lay it on the bed beside Kadyn, then unfasten the clips of the little suit she’s currently wearing. A foul odour hits my nose. Wow, that’s potent. Kalista hands me a nappy and a packet of wipes that smell really good. I use a lot of them cleaning her up.

  Wiping her from front to back—right up her back—I finish cleaning everything, all the nooks and crannies. It takes me fifteen minutes, and a lot of concentration.

  “Her bottle is going to go cold if you take much longer,” Red says from beside me. I didn’t even know she was back in the room.

  “I’ll do it,” Paco says, shoving me out of the way. I step aside to let him in and watch him manoeuvre Kadyn into the clean nappy, then her onesie with ease. “And that’s how it’s done,” he smirks as he lifts her into his arms.

  “Asshole,” I mumble.

  Chapter Fifteen

  ZAK

  The last thirty-six hours have been the most stressful of my entire fucked up life.

  Losing Lu, finding out about Kadyn, dealing with Paco…I am so fucking tired. I haven’t slept since I got that call yesterday morning. Even when things quiet down, and Kadyn is sleeping peacefully, I can’t relax. Every moment that passes is a moment in time that Lu doesn’t get to see her baby girl.

  Red tried getting me to eat something last night, but I turned her away. My stomach feels like its full of lead. This headache won’t let up either, and the longer I go without food and sleep, the worse it gets.

  Paco and I took turns doing Kadyn’s feeds through the night, but we didn’t speak to each other. What am I supposed to say to him that I haven’t already? We were never going to be friends, and we’re certainly not going to be now.

  I thought we’d have the results back by now, and the longer it takes, the more agitated I become. I can’t sit still anymore, opting to pace the length of the short room. Paco stands to join me. “How did you know Louisa wanted to call her Kadyn, if you didn’t know she was pregnant?” he asks.

  My hands are buried deep in my pockets. “When we were in our early twenties, Lu thought she might be pregnant. She’d had a false positive pregnancy test so she had to wait for a blood test. Kadyn was the name she picked for a girl,” I explain.

  “Carney for a boy. They mean warrior, survivor, champion. She wanted her baby to be strong,” Paco finishes.

  Coming to a stop we face each other, acknowledging that we both played a vital role in Lu’s life. And maybe, just maybe, we knew her as well as each other.

  A knock on the door catches our attention. The doctor that was with Lu when I arrived yesterday enters the room, a clipboard tucked under his arm. He comes to an abrupt stop, his eyes widening as they travel over all the people in the room. When he lands on Paco and me, he assesses us both with a critical eye, “The potential fathers,” he states.

  Paco a
nd I step forward. “Yes,” we respond in unison.

  The Doctor extends his hand to each of us in turn. “I’m Doctor Marshall, should we step into the hall or…” He eyes my friends, “Can we speak openly in here?”

  “Here’s fine,” Paco answers for us.

  “Okay.” Glancing down at his clipboard, he reads silently for a moment. “Only two samples were provided for testing?” he raises a curious brow.

  Nodding, I explain, “I had the test submitted before Paco arrived. Just me and Kadyn did the swabs. I figured it would prove if she and I are a match and if not, then Paco is the only other option.”

  Understanding crosses Doctor Marshall’s features, “Right then. The two samples submitted to the lab were indeed a match. Congratulations.” He reaches for my hand to shake it again.

  Warmth spreads throughout my entire body at his words. Bypassing his offered hand, I wrap the man in a grateful hug, “Thank you.” It takes everything I have to get the words out of my mouth before my throat tightens so much I can’t speak. In the back of my mind, there had been doubt, and it plagued me all night long.

  Fresh tears shine in Reds eyes as she rushes towards me. Taking her in my arms, relief washes over me and I swing her around. “She’s mine,” I whisper, so unbelievably happy. I didn’t know how much I wanted Kadyn until I thought she could be taken away from me. But that’s never going to happen. She’s mine.

  Breaking away from Red, I look around the room for Paco. He’s leaning over Kadyn’s clear plastic crib, hands braced on either side, staring at her. As happy as I am, a cloud of sorrow enters my heart as I watch him. This is exactly what I wanted, but watching him causes a knot to form in my stomach. That could have just as easily been me.

  Red touches the underside of my arm. “Maybe we should give him a minute or two with her?” she suggests.

  “Can you take everyone into the parent’s room around the corner? I’ll be there in a minute.” When she turns to gather the others, I approach Paco. “I can’t say I’m sorry,” I tell him honestly, “But I understand how you must be feeling right now.”

  His head whips to the side, hostility searing me. “The fuck you do. That piece of paper don’t mean shit. I’m the one who was with Louisa at all her appointments. I’m the one who took care of her when she couldn’t stop throwing up. I’m the one who loved her even when she went off and fucked her best friend!” he yells in my face, shoving me back with each statement.

  He knew we’d slept together? He knew this whole fucking time I could have been Kadyn’s father and he didn’t say anything? Red hot fury boils in my veins. “You knew, and didn’t think I deserved to know? All this time you knew she was pregnant and it could be my baby?” I shove him hard sending him stumbling back so far he trips over the corner of Kadyn’s crib.

  Kadyn’s crib jostles from the contact and she wakes with a fright. She wails and we both move for her at the exact same moment. I beat Paco to her by a fraction of a second, curling her up into my chest, I cradle her in my arms. “Shh, baby. It’s okay,” I whisper soothingly, rocking her until she settles again.

  Taking two long strides, I back Paco up against the windows. “I was going to give you time alone with her, time to say your goodbyes,” I seethe, keeping my voice low, “You just fucked that to hell. Now get out. And don’t even think about coming near her ever again, or you will regret it.”

  Moving back just enough to give him space to slide out from between me and the window frame, I wait.

  His eyes are every ounce as feral as I imagine mine are when he spits, “This isn’t over. You know she belongs with me. Don’t for a second think I won’t be back for her.” Then he’s gone, the door slamming closed in his wake.

  Tipping my head back I glare at the ceiling, “Fuck.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  ELLIE

  I can’t wipe the smile off my face as I watch Zak unfasten Kadyn’s seat belt and gently lift her out of her car seat. He’s so careful with her, I can tell how conscious he is of their immense size difference. Kadyn’s whole head fits inside Zak’s palm, making her look even tinier than she already is.

  Handing her to me, he turns back to the truck to retrieve all Kadyn’s things. And there is a lot, Kallie went overboard. But in her defence, she knows as much about all this stuff as I do, which is nothing at all. I would have Googled it too.

  Laden down with bags, Zak trudges past me to his front door. He skilfully balances his load as he unlocks and shoves the door open, dropping most of Kadyn’s things on the floor in the entryway.

  “The base is too high—”

  “No it’s not, that’s where it’s supposed to be—”

  “I have never seen a crib with the mattress sitting that high—”

  “I’ve never seen a crib. Who’ve you been hookin’ up with?”

  Four male voices sound from down the hall where Kadyn’s bedroom will be. Looking up at Zak, I frown. “What’s going on down there?”

  He shrugs, placing the nappy bag on the floor by the couch as he passes through the lounge room and strides down the hall to check on the commotion. I follow behind him, curious to know what’s happening. When Zak comes to a halt inside the doorway and bursts out laughing, I peek around his wide frame to see for myself.

  Michael, Alec, and Abe are sitting on the floor arguing about crib construction, while Will glares down at them from his wheelchair, holding a set of instructions. “I told you fuckers that’s where it sits when the baby is little. You’re supposed to move it down when they get older and can stand up and shit.”

  I snicker at the sight of four grown ass men arguing about how to build a crib correctly. It’s hilarious, until the weight of their glares settles heavily over on me. My laughter snags in my throat. “What?” I sputter, “You lot would laugh too if you could see yourselves.” I poke out my tongue and take off down the hall before they can say anything back to me.

  Kadyn will be ready for a bottle again soon, we timed leaving the hospital just right so she would sleep on the drive home and she did. Zak drove so damn slow, I wanted to pull my hair out, but I restrained myself and kept my mouth shut. He was nervous about leaving the hospital, he’d questioned the doctor twice before he accepted Kadyn was more than ready to make the trip.

  “Zak,” I call from the kitchen while I potter around getting the things I need to make Kadyn’s bottle. He appears a minute later, a wide smile parting his gorgeous lips. That mouth…oh, how I love that mouth. I have to physically shake my head to snap myself out of the beginnings of a rather raunchy fantasy then ask, “Can you set up that swing thing Kallie bought? One of the nurses warned me if we hold Kadyn all the time that’s all she’ll want, and it’ll be a hard habit to break.”

  His smile vanishes, “What’s wrong with her wanting to be held? We’re here, she’s here, so we can hold her.”

  I gnaw on my bottom lip. “I know, but what about when you go back to work? Or I go back to work?” I’m frowning now, we haven’t discussed any of this, and now that I’m thinking about it, it’s making my head hurt. Sleep deprivation mixed with serious decision making do not mix.

  Zak moves in so close I can feel his breath on my cheek as he murmurs, “We’ll figure it out. But as things stand right now, I have no plans to go back to work anytime soon. I’m going to be with her as much as possible. If or when you decide to go back to work, we’ll deal with it.” Then his lips feather over mine in a barely there kiss leaving me wanting more.

  Pushing up on my toes, I try to capture his lips again but he draws up and out of my reach. Sometimes I really hate being so short. I pout up at him. “You haven’t kissed me for days,” I lay on the dramatics, “Just one? Please?”

  He smiles, then bops the tip of my nose with his fingertip, “Later,” he says, “I won’t be stopping at one kiss,” he growls in my ear then straightens again, winks and walks away.

  A dreamy sigh slips past my lips and I melt. That man.

  Later didn’t come.


  The little routine Kadyn had going at the hospital flew out the window the minute we got her back to Zak’s. Sleep you say? Pfft, sleep is for the weak according to Kadyn who in three days, hasn’t stopped fussing for more than twenty minutes at a time.

  I’ve come to learn that sleep deprivation is a real thing. Zak and I tried taking turns, sitting up with her through the night. But when she wails, nobody can sleep through that. At this point sleep feels like a lost cause.

  My phone buzzes on the kitchen counter top and I glare down at it, imagining it shattering into a million pieces. If my mother sends me another gushing congratulatory text I’m going to scream. She keeps telling me what a gift I’ve been given. How amazing motherhood is. That I should cherish every second. Don’t get me wrong, I want to, I really do. And deep down I am so incredibly grateful to have this role in Kadyn’s life.

  But right now, this very second, I would kill a baby lamb if God would make Kadyn sleep peacefully for two hours. Just two hours…I’m not asking too much. Just one two-hour block a day. Honestly, I think I’m being rather reasonable for a woman who hasn’t had more than forty-five minutes of broken sleep in the last seventy-two hours.

  Wrapping my hand around my phone I glance down at the text.

  ~Kallie: I’m on my way over, I’ve got coffee and doughnuts.~

  Well thank God for small mercies. I found out while at the hospital that breastfeeding mothers shouldn’t drink coffee. I would die. How are they supposed to endure this without caffeine directly injected into their veins? How?

  Zak is laying on the couch, a temporarily passed-out Kadyn on his chest. “Kallie’s bringing coffee,” I tell him, coming to sit by his outstretched feet.